I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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