what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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