I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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