Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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