you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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