He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
