She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
