One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
