Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
