In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
