he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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