Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
