Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
