Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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