Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
