Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
