I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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