6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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