she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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