I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
