Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well you can't waste a boner
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
