You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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