Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
