So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
