why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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