just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
