Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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