I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Farmville is her only friend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
