I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
