I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
