i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
