You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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