I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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