There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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