Sponge bath it is.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
