So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
