I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
