I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
