saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
