as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
