I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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