happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
