so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
