my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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