I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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