She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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