im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
