Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
