Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
