I cannot find my penis.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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