The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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