Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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