The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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