all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just gift wrapped bread.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
