ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
