yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize