This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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