the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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