A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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