last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
