I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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