he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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