just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
