official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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