Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
