While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
