My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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