he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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