apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
