Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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