Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
