Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
