the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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