i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
