You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
