Pappa wants mamma naked
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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