You can't motorboat a personality
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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