So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
