I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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