You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
