I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
