I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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