i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
