You can't special order awesome
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
