You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
