Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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