Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize