She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
