My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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