I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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