if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
