Your face is a jimmy john
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
