the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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