he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize