dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
