god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
