I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
