I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
