I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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