I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
