mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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