I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Mom said you looked used
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
